2 Pieces I wrote tonight:

she was born on a spring day
her birthday was shared by many
like the others, she was to live...
strong and free
healthy and optimistic
the sky truly is the limit

or so we thought

or so we thought

---

woke up to the cold frost today
the sheen of silver covered the tips of dying grass tips
the leaves are gone now, trees scratchy with naked limbs

her legs are tired, she cannot use them
to the capacity she once did
one is swollen, bigger than the other
its a cycle of ups and downs, maeil maeil

eat and laugh, watch and ponder
for a moment it's as if all is right once more
until the color fades again from her once full, rosy cheeks

the soft, gently curling tufts of hair
-stick up!
remain as a symbol for her determination
to fight this relentless villian

the cells that multiply without restraint
under her skin, within her bones now
doing what she cannot, they live on

there is a blank drawn
peering at her face, her now fragile body
what are the mysteries that lie within?

turn to spirituality, it has to be
isn't it? it's something from her past
her other life, the one she led before

doubts flourish, of course
but hope is running thin-
just like the blood that pumps through her

shall we turn to a monk?
or to God, send her to church?
seeking, seeking a miracle that may not be there

I have been out of the Korean music scene a lot in these past two years, but somehow it's all starting up again. Just wanted to make a list of the things I am in love/like with right now:

SS501 - Love Like This
B2ST - Oasis
Shinee - Ring Ding Dong
MBLAQ - Oh Yeah!

Okaay, so I did some research tonight and I don't think I can apply to go to grad school next fall right now. There's A LOT I need to prepare still for making myself a complete and competitive applicant.

Here's a list:
1) 1-2 years of a paid/volunteer position in a social service/public healthcare organication
2) GRE scores of 1000+, preferably close to the 1200 mark or higher
3) 3 strong recommendation letters, 2 from former profs and 1 from an employer
4) Maybe another social science (abnormal psych??) and mathematics (stats) course

Thus....I need to make a new plan. Here's what I think I can do:
1) Volunteer diligently at Planned Parenthood (and PRC when possible)
2) Be active in SHADE
3) Do Directed Research next semester (1 recommendation letter)
4) Be a TA for Jane Philips (another recommendation letter)
5) Be a dedicated and responsible tutor in America Reads (another recommendation letter)
6) Apply to work in AmeriCorps for a year (Another recommendation letter, as well as more experience working in a public health setting)

I need to be a diligent and focused student this final year. I need to study for my GRE. I also need to establish good relationships with my profs so I can use them as recommendation sources. Aigoo, I am so nervous. I have 1 year to put my plan into effect. Wish me luck.

AJA AJA, HWAITING!

So it's Saturday night and I am currently studying for microbiology. Rewriting notes from lecture, and staying up and entertained by watching music vids and performances n Youtube. Despite our slow connection, I am really enjoying this. I realize now that I don't watch music vids of the songs I like the way I used to as a teen. I forget the beauty of it, being able to see the visual interpretation of the song as well as the talented artists who perform the song.

Currently watching Sun Dam Bi's Michyeosso 2/12 perf at the Seoul Music Awards; it's freakin' awesome. Total love. I love her! She's obviously a natural at this, so beautiful with a lovely and textured voice. Her dance moves are so energetic and fluid, and she really knows how to work the crowd. Seems like she's not as popular but I think she's an underrated gasoo and her talent should be enjoyed by everyone! :)

I am also stalking Youtube for Tata Young perfs and music vids at the moment; I am so intrigued by her because she's such a well known international star in the States and all over Asia. Also the fact that she's half-caucasian half-Thai is interesting. She's gorgeous! Hot bod, and lovely, strong vocal chords. I wanna see more of her live perfs but so far most of them seem to be fancams.

Last but not least, looked up Jewelry's "Strong Girl" on Youtube. I love the energy and inspiration of the song. Makes me feel like I can take on anything; haven't actually looked at the English lyrics but I hope they're as promising as my interpretation of it is right now. There is only 1 brief perf of it on Youtube so I'm kind of disappointed. Out of the whole 6th album, this is the only song that caught me so I wish it had more coverage.Their other songs aren't as good IMO but are more popular so there are perfs of that. There is also a fake male version of the song on Yotube (someone tweaked the song and lowered the vocals so that it sounds like guys are singing it) which I find cute and thus like.

Ok, time to yeolshimi gongbuhae!

Today was a full shift for me at work. I started at G2 at 3 pm. For some reason when I first came in and saw Caroline, I thought I was replacing her, completely forgetting that she was tonight's float. The first two hours were uneventful...I was really bored so I was more active in approaching visitors and asking them about their experience.

At 5 pm, Sara E. came in and thought she had to cover me from 5-9 pm. It was so odd. She was so certain that I had requested 4 hours off this evening but I knew I hadn't. We both looked into it and it turns out she signed up for a volunteer's shift; this volunteer had accidentally put her shift up on the GS sign up sheet. Long story short, I was right and she was wrong and she'd came in on a day she didn't normally work after a one-hour bus ride. I felt kind of bad and offered my shift to her but she said it was fine.

The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful. I got super hungry at 5:30 though; I got really hot and sweaty and was really weak. It was hard to focus but thankfully that passed within 10 mins or so. I really need to be better prepared for work and having the last break, ie eating a nice meal before coming in for work. Cereal and toast is just not going to cut it, especially when I had it 2 hours prior to work.

I need to get my comp tickets for tomorrow, we're going for the 11 AM showing. It's going to be me, Mai, Minh, and Eric. I still have to tell Minh that I can't get one for Janine. I also need to get my parking contract card!!

I had a meeting this morning @ 11 AM with Scott, my CBS adviser. I was really nervous and didn't really know what I was going to say to him, but it went really well. I told him I wanted to discuss Directed Research, my change of major, and my overall progress.

I told Scott that since I have already switched my major and college once already, I didn't want to switch out again. I said I was thinking of going into microbiology, but I still wanted to finish school by the end of the school year. I was originally thinking of taking my biochem classes and using them for a biochem minor while majoring in microbio. He came up with a better plan though - since I was already so far into my biochem studies, I could just finish my core requirements, and for my biochem lab electives I could do some microbio labs. This would allow me to continue my biochem track and make my classes worth something while enabling me to finish in good time.

The tricky part is getting all the classes I need for this plan. I am waitlisted right now for MICB 3301 and hopefully I can get in for Fall 2009. I will finish up my biochem core classes this fall (biochem lab + physical biochem) and then in the spring I need to do Directed Research, my writing intensive classes, and my microbio labs.

Scott told me to talk w/ Leslie Schiff, the head of the Microbiology Dept. She can help me w/ my microbio track and in identifying possible prof's to work with in Directed Research. I was especially worried about going into a research position w/ the minimal experience I have, but Scott told me Dr. Schiff would have a much better idea of which faculty members would be willing to work with me. I am planning to email Dr. Schiff and meet up w/ her to discuss my interest in microbiology, as well as looking for some kind of research work for fall/spring.

Scott says overall my progress is still good - my overall cumulative GPA is still decent and he advised me to let Biochem 2 go and not retake it. I could do worse the 2nd time around and that would be on my transcript. He's right, because that's what happened w/ me for Physics 2.

I have just dropped Biochem 2, waitlisted myself for Microbio 3301, and now I have to plan out Spring 2010. I also discussed fulfilling my last 2 writing intensive requirements. One is supposed to be w/in my major but there's limited options for my major so Scott said 1) I could take 2 different WI lib-ed courses, or 2) I could take 1 WI course that would fulfill both requirements. It's like writing proposals or grants or instruction manuals, so it's open-ended writing but quite intense.

Overall, I feel a lot more solid. I was really apprehensive about my academics and progress prior to the meeting, but after speaking w/ Scott I am more confident about my progress and future. There's a lot I need to prepare - GRE, public health school, Directed Research, and meeting w/ Dr. Schiff.

Here's my tentative senior year class schedule:

Fall 2009 
Intro to Physical Biochem (3)
Biochem Lab (2)
Intermediate Korean (5)
Biology of MIcroorganisms (5)
Animal Diversity Lab (1)

Spring 2010
Directed Research (3-6)
Technical and Professional Writing (4)
Animal Diversity Lab (1)
Biochem Elective Lab

So tonight I worked the float shift in the Titanic exhibit from 3-8 pm. We had a few volunteers in before 5 pm: Sabrina w/ Games in G2, Jim with Rope Making in G1, and James with Icebergs in G3. From 5-9 PM we had Christina w/ Icebergs, Jennifer with Games, and Victoria just walking around in a life jacket, or with a Jacob's Ladder. The Tuesday evening GTL is Barb, who is pretty nice.

Dan, Matt, and Caroline are the 3 other GS's I work with. I cover them while they take their breaks. I also cover the VA's when they rotate at the Titanic exit. There's Mai Kou, Andrew, and one other chick whose name I haven't gotten yet.

Most common questions I get while wandering around in the gallery are:

1) Are all the artifacts real?
    - Yes, they were all brought up from the site of the Titanic wreck, which has been underwater for nearly a century now (97 years). Titanic was first discovered in 1987.

2) Are all the artifacts owned by one company?
    - Yes, everything is owned by RMS Titanic Inc, which is based in Florida. It has recovered over 6,000 artifacts. The company vowed not to sell any artifacts of historical importance, save for coal.

BB's mv "Oh My Friend" cracks me up to pieces. Especially GD - that guy is just a little too happy to be playing a crazy role~ it's hilarious. He's pretty good at it too. Top looks incredibly hot as a police officer; but then again he looks good as anything. I really love the rockish aspect of this song; it's a nice change. I remember when this song came on while I was driving when we were listening to Pangea's cd, and I was like, "who's this?" and she was like 'it's Big Bang!" I love how edgy they sound, so rockish and aggressive. It took a while to get used to the screaming chorus, but it's a catchy song. I still can't get over the guitar riffs and thrumming drum beats. This song is so hot, when watching the mv. Seeing a rockish BB is such an unbelievable fantasy, but it's real! And these boys pull it off really well too. I really need to give them more credit. They gots mad talent!

---

Totoshinki's "Why Did I Fall in Love With You?" song is simply beautiful. Tragically so, but incredibaly touching all the same. From the first moment I heard it, the song struck a chord within me; the song speaks directly to my soul. It's such a lovely song. The melody is hauntingly elegant, and the lyrics are so woeful and emotional. I've seen the HEYx3 perf, the english-subbed drama mv version, and the drama mv version that features DBSK in it and I have to say I love them all. The drama MV has a plotline so reminiscent of Love Proposal's that I wonder if that's  pure coincidence or not; a man is regretful at the wedding of a friend, one whom he has loved from their first meeting but nothing ever came to fruitation. The filming is gorgeous, the wedding at the church captured in a memorable way that represents a happy monumental point in this girl's life. The sad irony is that her heart is still trapped in its love for her friend, yet she's made the decision to move forward with her life. I can't blame her for that; I might be a jerk but when watching the MV and seeing the guy's expression as he stands off to one side while well-wishers give their blessings to the happy couple, all I can think is..."It's your own fault!" Why didn't he say anything earlier? Why didn't he do anything about his feelings for her? Why was he content to let the both of them suffer under the weight of their hidden love? This song truly asks the question of "doushite?" Of course, I could just be unrational in this thinking; maybe there were powerful circumstances that prevented the two of them from being together. Maybe their parents opposed their union. Maybe their circle of friends was too fragile to withstand a love as strong as theirs. Now all they have left are regrets and old memories. Maybe I am reading too much "Proposal" in this MV, but it's hard not to when there are so many parallels. The guy is even dressed up in a suit and carries a briefcase during their street meeting, just like Ken-zou did, with Rei. Haha, btw the guy in the MV is so cute, in a childish way. He reminded me of Lee Jun Ki at first when I first saw him, but he's much scrawnier, and he's also Japanese. His acting could be a bit better, cuz even the DBSK members are more emotional in their singing - but he's not bad. It cracks me up in the end when he throws flower petals towards the happy couple and tries to look cheerfully happy about it and he actually doesn't look that upset. He looks a little silly, to be honest, but it's darned cute all the same. I find it a little ironic that the groom's face is never focused on during the entire MV, but that's just reinforcing the fact that the story is all about these two and their mutual love and regret.

One of the most symbolic and riveting scenes in the MV is when the bride is walking down the church stairs hand in hand with her groom, and she's smiling blissfully. Then she catches sight of her secret love and her expression changes slowly, dramatically. Sorrow and hidden yearning replaces her joyful  smile, and in that moment everything is clear. You don't even need the lyrics to interpret that look, the meaning that is stated in it. In that moment, as the poor guy's face reflects an ocean of regret and sorrow, you feel sorrow along with him. Love is such a beautiful and strong emotion; to be separated from the one you want and cherish the most, to watch that person make a lifetime commitment with someone else, is tragic and unacceptable, but things happen, and you live with it.

I watched the perf first, and I loved it, although the guys didn't look too great; they look sleep deprived and pale, but their performance was stunningly complete all the same. I love how still Yunho stands throughout it all, as if he were a statue, until it's his part and then he comes to life and sings as though his heart was breaking. Just like his fellow band members. I love Hero's opening, he always has such sadness in his eyes. So convincing. Changmin is so adorable in his singing as well; he's one of the ones who goes super high later on in the chorus, and it adds texture to their song. I don't speak any Japanese, but I've heard enough to discern the fact that their Japanese sounds really good in here. If not perfect, then close to it. I'm sure native speakers have their own beef about the accents these boys have, but if that's the case then I'm glad I'm not one so that I can enjoy the beauty of the song without getting distracted by bad accents.

During the MV that features them, the DBSK members exhibit a similar flawless emotional performance. The most touching ones are Hero's, Xiah's, and Yunho's. Fine, actually they all do a great job, it's hard to pinpoint who's the best. But Hero is the first one we see in the MV, and his opening is soulful, yearning, and heartbreakingly sad. He looks like he's ready to break down and cry any moment. Mickey Yoochun follows next, and his eyes are so intense and sorrowful; he's always been the especially emotional one during their ballads. Changmin cracks me up! While his fellow band members are so sad in their singing, he's singing with equal passion and feeling, but smiling slightly as though he still wants to look good for the camera. Haha, how cute. Later, he is featured alone again  and he's more serious, but his attempt at being sad and emotional looks less convincing so it's just funny and cute. Xiah's part is also really strong and filled with his emotional intensity. His gaze, coupled with his melting voice, add a gentle and delicate element to the song. And lastly, Yunho looks like a god in his solo part. So beautiful, such a clear gaze, but just as emotional as the rest. Dressed all in white, these guys remind me of reigning angels. It's corny I know, but their powerful voices and torn gazes are riveting and touching.

P.S. I have another DBSK perf! On Music Station. They sing live, and close their eyes while singing, and it's so tragically sad...so so touching. I know, I have to expand my vocab....but it really is so incredibly beautiful~!

Okay, I'm back. I'm not done analyzing this song yet! I watched the drama MV again, which was English-subbed, and more meaning sank into me as I synchronized the foreign words with the translated lyrics. I guess the more overwhelming message here is that the guy erred in one major way, but not by failing to speak up about his feelings. His error was thinking that time was infinite, that their secret love could continue this way until he was ready to confess it all. But she thought differently. She probably thought he wouldn't ever say anything, or got tired of waiting. She decided to choose "a different path." The title, "Why did I end up falling for you?" suggests that the guy is upset to have had this happen, because their love was not meant to be. It seems as though he's burdened by the pain of loss and wishes they'd never been tied together by that invisible bond of love. But regardless of his regret, his bitterness, his lonliness, there's no changing the circumstances. He still loves her with all his being, painful as it is. I love Xiah's lines, "But still, even if I'm nowhere near you anymore, I'm praying that you may be happy for eternity."

---

Doushite Kimi wo Suki Ni Natte Shimattan Darou??

Doushite kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou
Donna ni toki ga nagarete mo kimi wa zutto
Koko ni iru to omotteta noni
Demo kimi ga eranda no wa chigau michi

Doushite kimi ni nani mo tsutaerarenakattan darou
Mainichi maiban tsunotteku omoi
Afuredasu kotoba
Wakatteta noni
Mou todokanai

Hajimete deatta sono hi kara
Kimi wo shitteita ki ga shittanda
Amari ni shizen ni tokekonde shimatta futari

Doko ni iku nori mo isshou de kimi ga iru koto ga touzen de
Bokura wa futari de otonaninatte kita
Demo kimi ga eranda no wa chigau michi

Doushite kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou
Donna ni toki ga nagarete mo kimi wa zutto
Koko ni iru to omotteta noni
Mou kawanai

Tokubetsuna imi wo motsu kyou wo
Shiawase kao de tatsu kyou wo
Kireina sugata de kami sama ni negatteru kimi wo

Boku janai hito no tonari de
Shukufukusareteru sugata wo
Boku wa douyatte mioreba ii no darou

Mou doushite kimi ga suki ni natte shimattan darou
Ano koro no bokura no koto
Mou kawanai (kangaeta kangaeta)

Doushite kimi no te wo tsukami ubaenakattan darou
Donna ni toki ga nagarete mo kimi wa zutto
Boku no yoko ni iru hazu datta (sono mama ni)

Soredemo kimi ga boku no soba hanareteite mo
Eien ni kimi ga shiawase de iru koto
Tada negatteru
Tatoe sore ga donna ni sabishikute mo (sabishikute mo)

Translation :
Why did I end up falling for you?
No matter how much time has passed
I still thought you were right here
But you've already chosen a different path

Why couldn't I call out to you at all?
Every day and night growing emotions
And words overflow
But I realized that
They'd never reach you again

Since that day I first met you
I felt like I already knew you
You and I melded into each other so smoothly

It was natural for me to be where you were
The two of us grew up together
But you've already chosen a different path

Why did I end up falling for you?
No matter how much time has passed
I still thought you were right here
Now we can't turn back

The special meaning held by this day
Today you stood with a happy expression
You looked beautiful while praying to god

But I wasn't the one next to you
And the image of you receiving blessings
Of that how could I let go?

Why did I end up falling for you?
How we were before
We can't return to it anymore (I've thought it through, thought it through)

Why didn't I hold on to your hand?
No matter how much time has passed
You should've always been by my side (never changing)

But still, even if I'm nowhere near you anymore
I'm praying that you
May be happy for eternity
No matter how much that would make me lonely (no matter how lonely)

Credit: Soompi Forums

I have 11 days left in MN. =X It's an intimidating thought, now that Korea is so close within my grasp. I have so much to do still. So much for learning Korean, eh?? Sheng came back yesterday. She's home safe and sound, at least. We are all so grateful for this, despite her still healing leg. She bombarded us with Johnny Jr.'s goods yesterday. The only coherent reaction in my head right now is: OMG, Yamapi looks so damn good in his scrubs! For his new drama, I mean, Code Blue. I'm still trying to adjust to the curly hair, but his medical student look is beyond hot. =D

I want a Zune! My 30G ipod isn't functioning as well as it once did; I can never watch anything on there without having the battery die on me asap. It's lame; I have the Zune software on my laptop because Pangea uses her Zune on there, and omg it's lovely, so pretty and organized. I am debating getting one before I leave for Korea...^^

Such a good song. I ran into Lynh earlier in the Great Hall and she mentioned it to me. I'm hooked already. I try not to like Big Bang, because a part of me resents being a trend-follower, but there's no denying their talent or appeal. The other night I was watching TaeYang/Big Bang music vids with Yang and Pangea and I was blown away by it. It was like I was seeing them for the first time. I might just sound like a crazy fangirl right now, but the truth is that Big Bang and YG in general is very good at marketing; the songs are catchy, the boys look good, and there's just a charm to the whole Big Bang package. This song is beautiful; I noticed it from the very first time I heard it and watched the MV, but reading the lyrics just confirmed it. The best part is the chorus, [[Don't look back and leave//Don't find me again and live on//Because I have no regrets from loving you]]; but then again I love the face off part between Top and GD in the beginning, as well as the part at the end when Top apologizes to GD and gives him the ring. There's so much emotion and pain in the lyrics, melody, and beat. The guys are very intense and convincing in this role. Although the main players are Top and GD, the other members are a seamless contribution to the overall effect of pain, despair, and love. Koreans are so in love with their melodrama, but I have to admit, so am I. I love tragic love stories. It makes it seem so much more emotional, as if I cannot be satisfied with simple stuff, I want other shades of feelings, something dark and beautiful. I suppose it is due to my nature; I seem to require more than usual amount of emotion to feel anything. It's as if this is the only way I can feel anything. Honestly, I don't get shaken very easily. It makes me feel weak, when it should make me feel strong.

Anyway, I've figured out why Top is always in sunglasses when his fellow members are not. It's because it's hard to look directly at the beautiful intensity of his eyes; to unleash the power of that gaze on just anyone would be criminal. I <3 his eyes.

P.S. Btw, Zong and Txiv Laus are leaving for Japan today. They will arrive in Fukuoka tomorrow and bring Sheng back Tuesday. Hopefully everything goes smoothly. Kao will be there until Sunday; they'll charge the hospital bills on their card and Sheng will be free to return. Sheng is doing better, and so many people are collaborating with us to make sure she returns safely; her nurse, doctor, social worker, and the Japanese doctors. I'm grateful for that.

It's raining outside. It suits my life right now. Nothing is as expected. Nothing is easy. Nothing is fair. Sheng is lying inside a Japanese hospital right now, alone and afraid. Her feet are swollen and causing her significant pain; her white blood cell count is too low to be healthy. Oh gosh, there was just a great crash of thunder. I am chatting with Kao right now, we are discussing the situation. Mom and dad just returned from the funeral home, they seem occupied with tying up the day's event. They're bustling about in the kitchen, putting away the meat for storage. I'm sure they are not thinking about Sheng. To do so would bring too much despair. For now, they are trying to keep the thought at bay; it might seem selfish, but as human nature goes, it's much easier to keep oneself busy with work. To travel the easier route makes it seem like you're moving forward, like you're getting somewhere. Later, when all the work is done and they settle in for sleep, the thought will come to haunt them. Their child, all alone in a foreign country, Their son is there, but his work and duty keeps him away. The piling hospital bills, which are even more expensive when weighed out in the Japanese currency, will be a burden and debt that they will carry for many years to come. Their stress levels will increase; their health will decline as their blood pressure and blood sugar spike up. Their other children will also feel the effects...we will be poorer than ever before. But this is a situation that we have to stay strong for. Life for our people has always been measured out in doles of challenges and hardships; our ancestors' legacy continues on through us. We will not achieve the same level of success that many others do, even after struggling through the "American dream" because we will still be paying the price for our forefathers. But within this struggle, perhaps we can establish a strong foundation for the generation to follow ours. We may struggle now, but may they have a better and more fair path in life.

I tend to digress, but I am afraid for Sheng right now. I have such a strong sense of regret, and a little bitterness. If only her program hadn't lasted so long, if only her leg hadn't swelled, if only she had came home when her leg first acted up, if only she had never gone in the first place. So many "if only's" but life is all about learning lessons the hard way.

Had class today, yuck. I barely lasted in class this morning. I forgot to grab something to eat, so my stomach started growling towards the end. How embaressing. =.= I had work today, at CSG 2. I love working here on Wednesdays, I realized. Why? Because there is Farmer's Market on Wednesday's by Lind Hall; that means I get to see a lot of Hmong people. They come to sell their homegrown produce. These vendors get to park in CSG for free, so I process their tickets when they leave. They are all on the reservation list. It's funny, they'll look at me and then ask me if I am Hmong, and I respond yes. To make it easier for them, I greet them first and ask them for their name in Hmong. It's nice to see some Hmong people when I'm usually dealing with white customers. And these Hmong people are so warm and friendly! Once they realize I am Hmong, they chitchat with me. One man told me that he doesn't sell much of certain veggies, like the beans. He gave me a head of cabbage and some salad greens too. I told him that my mom gardens as well (she is ambitious, with 3 gardens!), so I didn't want to take it, but he insisted so I took it. It was such a nice gesture, and made me further realize how generous and caring the Hmong community can be, not just on this level, but in general. Just by virtue of the fact that I am Hmong, these people feel an instant bond to me, even though they don't know me. They can speak freely with me, and have no qualms about giving away their own things. It makes me realize how lucky I am to be able to experience this; to be Hmong-American means I get the best (and the worst) of two very different worlds. This is a trend that is reflected in many other ways in the Hmong community. Based on our harsh and unforgiving history, we have always been a very helpful and giving community; we realize that the only way to better ourselves is to help out those around us, and it is a lesson well learned and well carried out. Many Hmong elders are extremely generous and sacrificial when it comes to helping out those in their family or even total strangers; it is a fact of the Hmong. It makes me wonder, will this part of our culture fade with the older generation? Or will we be able to sustain this quality and pass it onto our children? Being Hmong has so much meaning to it that I can't even begin to list it all. But this aspect that I've touched on is one that truly defines our people. It was quite a humbling experience today. Such a simple gesture, and yet so ingested with meaning, on my part. I am so grateful to be Hmong, to be experience this instant connection that links me to others based on our ethnicity alone. Being on campus all the time, surrounded by all other types of people, you forget what it's like to be Hmong. 

Yesterday morning I shadowed again. Only sat in with two patients; the first was a young man with acid reflux who was waiting to go into surgery to correct his digestive system. It's sad, his digestion and absorption isn't very good, so he can't eat much because it makes him feel super bloated. It made me realize how lucky I am to be eat whatever I want, and guilty to abuse this. Some people can barely eat more than half a banana a day, but I eat whatever I want without a second thought. I should be more aware of what I eat and how much I eat. The second patient was coming in for a checkup; she has very loose, rubbery tendons so she dislocates her bones and injures herself very easily. She dislocated her ankle (right) a few weeks ago so she got her wrappings removed, and Dr. S gave her a lace-up ankle boot to wear for the time being so that she can take it off to shower an such.

Went to the final HMSA meeting yesterday; it was just me since Caro went home, but it was good to see everyone who was present. They had eggrolls, yum! I probably ate more than I should. I was supposed to work afterwards, but it turns out I wrote down the wrong time so I ended up missing the shift and someone else took it. Whoops. =X

Instead, I grabbed some bibimbop to eat, then went back to the dorms. I wanted to watch something, so I started Charlie Bartlett but I kind of got sidetracked (it's not bad though, got very good reviews) and I somehow landed on "Who Are You?" starring Go Ara and Yoon Kye Sang. I ended up watching 3 episodes last night. Not good, I know. It was very engaging though~ The basic plotline is that Son Young In (Go Ara) is visited by her recently deceased father who borrows the US-adopted Cho Seung Hyo's body for 3 hours a day over a period of 49 days, to finish some father-daughter business with her. I was a little skeptical at first when I came across this drama, for the plotline seems a little too wacky for me; I kind of prefer down-to-earth themes. Anyway, this one took me by surprise. I found it hilarious and comedic, and yet it's a tearjearker as well, all in the first episode. I'd be crying one moment, and then burst out laughing the next. I must give both Go Ara and Yoon Kye Sang BIGGG props, especially Kye Sang. I didn't think he had it in him. Most singers-turned-actors are only average in their acting abilities. He really surprised me though, with his versatility. He can go from a cold, uncaring and calculating business man to a childish, carefree eager "father" in a snap. In fact, the moments when he DOES transform (when possessed) are some of the most funny and defining moments; it's hard not to laugh out loud when he turns into Son Il Gun, Young In's clumsy and cheerful father (gotta love his huge, dorky grin). Go Ara is also brilliant, despite her young age. I am still astounded at her ability to turn on the waterworks in the blink of an eye. She is also amazingly pretty; she's got an etheral and graceful beauty to her. I wonder if she's a natural beauty; I know this is terrible of me to doubt, but given today's entertainment industry standards in South Korea, I just can't help it. I am going to guess that she is though, for she is very young still, too young to have undergone much, if anything. I'm currently caught up in the 4th episode, and probably won't proceed much further since I have finals coming up soon. Anyway, definitely as good as everyone claimed and worth a shot. I really love Kye Sang's childish portrayal, as wells as Go Ara's sassy, tough in-your-face personality and her ability to stand up for herself. Of course, sometimes it's important to remember that she is still very young and losing her father is a blow that is a lot to handle by herself, so she needs others to take care of her too.

Okay, I didn't stop at "Who Are You?" Terrible, I know, but I started another drama!! Just today, haha. It's a Jdrama called "Zettai Kareshi," which translates to roughly "Absolute Boyfriend." The plotline for this one was also a little wacky, but I thought I'd give it a shot because I was bored, and what a good idea that was! The storyline is that Izawa Riiko, the leading lady, has bad luck with relationships and one day comes across the path of a scientist at a company that is testing out a new product, the perfect robotic lover. She fills out a survey pertaining to her ideal boyfriend, and shortly after receive a robot for a 5 day trial. His name (as she decides it) is Night, and although she is opposed to him at first, comes to enjoy his company. She does, however, adamantly deny his every declaration that he is her boyfriend, because she is a realist and knows that no matter how human he may appear, he is just a robot. Our favorite dorm head from Hanazakari no Kimitache, Nanba Minami, returns with an older and slightly more serious (and thus MUCH hotter) persona as the chief at Riiko's workplace who develops feelings towards her (his character name is Asamoto Soshi). He is initially portrayed as a careless, irresponsible playboy, but I have a feeling this will change as the series continues. It might just be his looks, but I love him in this series; I actually like his character despite his many "flaws" haha. So far I've watched only eps 1-2 because although 3 is up, there are no subs yet. I'm kind of glad this series is not completely out yet, or else I would be wayyy distracted over this during finals week. It's off to a good start; this is the first time I've seen this actress, but she's absolutely adorable and pure. Night, the robot, is hot~! The actor is apparently half Japanese-half Filipino. He's very sweet despite his robotic programming, and tries hard to be Rikko's ideal man as she described. I am kind of rooting for Soshi, because I don't know how this series will end - Night is awesome but he IS a robot haha. Oh, it's funny but guess who played Riiko's original love interest in ep 1? Oscar from Hanazakari no Kimitache...haha~ I was like, wow all we need is Nakatsu, Sano, + Mizuki and we're good to go for a reunion, lol. Oh yes, cannot forget the ESP guy, Se7en-lookalike. To be honest, I'm not good with names for these Asian dramas, so I can never name anyone unless it's by their real names. This series is based off of a manga, but apparently the girl was only 16 years old so I don't think I'd be too interested in reading it. I'm thoroughly enjoying this series so far though. Glad I stumbled across it. =)

The HMSA Banquet is tomorrow afternoon~ Time to say goodbye to the graduating seniors. I am meeting Vanessa and her friend tomorrow as well. Alright, ciao~

Sitting here in my booth at work, I'm really glad I brought an umbrella with me this morning. It started out sunny with a cool breeze, but now that it is nearly 3 in the afternoon the sky has darkened and soon the rain will fall. Our weather this spring in Minnesota has been ridiculously unstable and unpredictable. We've had hot, summery days in March and snowfall just last weekend in April. The Rice Bowl Football Tournament was on Sunday and although the day started out dry and sunny, random batches of snow fell in the afternoon, showering those present with fluffy white flakes that were unfortunately accompanied with cold, biting wind. I didn't stay for the entire tournament as I did last year; last year it had a rich sunny day with lots of sunshine, but this year was a horror story of cold weather and I could not stand it. Congrats to CSAM though for taking first place. No more 2-time champ HMSA, haha.

I hope it doesn't rain hard today; however, as one optimist said when we were discussing the prospect of rain tomorrow, at least the grass will get watered. I didn't stop to think about it that way, only berating the rain while wishing for sunshine. It was only yesterday that I was reading an article in the Daily about how the U and other cities around us will have to cut down on our excessive use of water during the summer because of all our rising environmental issues. It's amazing, nowadays you can't go a day without coming across multiple environmental articles in the newspaper. If I had a tv, I'm sure these issues would pop up here too. Anyways, point is I need to keep a more optimistic outlook on life. (and be more environmentally friendly!!)

Today, that cute change supervisor came around and I was like, "Can I get two rolls of one's?" and he gave me an amused look and I was thinking, "Did I say anything wrong??" And he was like "If you want it, I suppose we could do that." And I was thinking, "Agh, no one calls bundles of one's rolls, idiot!" So I was all flustered and I was babbling, saying "Sorry, I've been stressed out becoz I was running out of one's." When he handed the money to me, he had them semi-rolled up. =_= Ack, I feel like such an idiot, haha. There goes my dorky moment of the day. Actually, it's sad but I go through tons of those moments a day. Just now, I dropped a ticket when I was supposed to process it, so I had to get out and grab it. I need to get out of here. 20 minutes to go!!

P.S. I think I'm gonna meet up with Vanessa for some bubble tea or coffee~

EDIT: Got some yummy bubble tea to day! My new favorite combo is almond + red bean shake with tapioca pearls. Vanessa and I sat and chatted for about an hour and a half, about Korea, KSA, our classes, and career goals. She's such a wonderful and friendly person. I was surprised and pleased when she told me she had wanted to recruit me for KSA board for next year. Unfortunately, I'll be in Korea. Haha, actually, that's not unfortunate at all. We really enjoyed ourselves just talking about everything, our conversation was random and built upon tangent thoughts. She is going to introduce me to a grad student who is looking to learn more English, and I will learn Korean in exchange.

I had some Chipotle for dinner; I really wanted bibimbop but I didn't want to pay $10 for it so I went to Chipotle instead. I don't know what I had against it before, but Chipotle is actually really good!!

- - It didn't rain! I was wrong.

My laptop came today! Mommy received it at home and daddy dropped it off earlier before he went to work. I was nervous and excited as I opened it, wanting to savor the moment because I had been looking forward to this for so long. When I finally pulled everything out of the box and set it all up, I felt a stab of initial disappointment. The laptop seemed ginormous and not that attractive. The inside is a sickly gray color. However, Caro and Quang fawned all over it. And actually, now that it's been a few hours, the laptop has grown on me. I like it so far. =) Still trying to get used to Vista, though. -.-

I shadowed Dr. S this morning. The first patient was an older woman in her late forties, I am guessing, She was in for a routine checkup, but was doing quite well. Her cholesterol and blood pressure and everything else was great, and she looked like a healthy individual. In fact, she showed up in a running outfit, giving me the impression that she was a jogger or yoga person. Following that was an older man in his fifties, who was coming in for a prostate cancer check up. I only stayed for a portion of the session because Dr. S wanted me to step outside while he did the examination. Lastly, we saw a woman who was coming in to touch base with Dr. S after her chemo therapy. She had throat and mouth cancer, which resulted in the removal of some of her jaw to remedy the disease. She looked fine, if a little misshaped on her right jaw side. I was surprised and a little frightened at first to hear her speak - her vocal cords were no longer working properly and everything was slightly distorted. Her words were breathier and harder to understand, but you could still make out most of what she was saying. Hearing her speak was painful; I wanted to do something, anything possible, to restore the quality of her voice. People never stop to think about what a privilege it is to be able to speak, but watching her struggle, I felt sad for her and more appreciative of my ability to speak. If you have a voice, use it and be heard. You don't know how painful it is to see others struggling to express themselves. She was a beautiful old woman too, and it seemed cruel that she had no voice to go with it. At the end of the session, she came up to me and patted my cheeks; I think she was encouraging me in my quest to become a doctor, but I was surprised and confused and in the end I don't think I gave the best impression; I hope she doesn't think I was scared of her, because I was not.

Went to the LAC Orientation for today; picked up so many pointers and tips! There were 3 returning students and they gave us wonderful accounts of their experiences and shared many thoughts and answered many questions. I am pumped for this trip; I only hope I have enough money to last me. Korea seems like an exciting place and I am looking forward to sitting in restaurants and ordering dishes in Korean; catching a line on the subway to a destination in Seoul; and meeting new people.



Watched an episode of Honey and Clover; it's pretty interesting so far. Poor Takemoto, he is falling for Hagu-chan quickly, but it appears she is finally starting to develop feelings for Morita. It's strange to see him playing this part; he is much more subdued and serious than his role as Nakatsu in Hanazakari no Kimitachi e. He is still adorably cute in his uncertainty towards the emotions of love, just as he was with Ashita Mizuki. I remember when I watched the first episode of this j-dorama, I was struck by the tranquil beauty of the plot and the poetic serenity of the messages portrayed, relating to life and living. There are funny comical aspects to the story as well, which makes it lighter and more heartwarming. Probably will finish off this series by the time summer arrives.

Gonna get a haircut tomorrow, I hope!

Oh, yeah I am!

Post more later. I gots mad studying to do. Haven't accomplished ANYTHING all weekend. =(

If people got wind of the fact that I've been listening to a lot of Hmong rap lately, they'd probably laugh and be in total disbelief. The truth is that I have been listening to LP, Rare, Buddah, and No Love on Imeem these past couple of days and I enjoy it. It doesn't seem my style nor something I would like. People would say it is too "ghetto" for me. But what's wrong with ghetto? Ghetto is just another aspect of culture. I realized that the reason why I like rap is the constant, steady beat which is accentuated by deep, solid voices that have mastered flowing along with the beats in perfect harmony. The raps which touch me most are those that focus on the theme of the Hmong in Laos who are still fighting for the right to live everyday, the Chawb Fab. The lyrics are deep and invoking; "sometimes I wonder, are they dead or alive?" It makes me ashamed of who I am today. I am living the American dream, attending college and blowing off homework to watch movies on Youtube. I have such a simple and taken-for-granted style of life, and I don't even take the time to appreciate it. So many Hmong are suffering now, fighting for survival and food, trying to evade the Laotian soldiers who hunt them and seek to eliminate them. Why don't I try to help? Why don't I learn to be happy with what I have and work hard to succeed? Why don't I educate myself and find a way to liberate and save my people? Why do I live in a false world filled with kpop and gasoos, acting as though these problems don't exist and cannot touch me? Why don't I try to make something of myself, so I can gain the power and knowledge to help those left behind? I feel selfish and ungrateful for all that has transpired in the past. I have forgotten my roots and the suffering my ancestors went through to get me to this point today. What can I do to help? How can I take a step towards bettering the situation? Where is my passion and love for my own kind? Should I aim to help those so far away, when there are those in my very own community here who require just as much help, but in a different form? These are my people. They speak my language, symbolize my freedom, and make up the threads of my Hmong heritage. Listen to LP's "Appreciation," or Pc Xiong's "30 Years of War and Pain." People need to take heed of the messages in these songs. The situation is very real and still going on today. When will people pull their heads out of the clouds and come together to save our kinsmen in Laos? If we work together, we can do it. But people don't want to return to the past, to think about the suffering because it brings too much pain and thoughts of helplessness. If we can educate the general public, we can move forward with our cause and save our own. Hmong means "freedom," and to deny these people of that right is one of life's greatest and cruelest ironies. Let us come together, Hmong brothers and sisters, and give these people their namesake. Why should we be content with having it for ourselves? Let us spread the freedom. Let us allow the lords of the night to take flight once more, for they have sacrificed enough for us and their reward is long overdue.

**I may write entries like this, but in the end, I too return to my world of simple silver-lined clouds and false happiness. I need to think of my people and work towards the bigger goal. I must stay on track. I must do something for my people, if it's the last thing I do.

Instead of doing my homework tonight, I spent a couple of hours watching a Korean movie called "Le Grand Chef." It was released on November 1st, 2007 and was a blend of comedy and drama. The basic plot line is that a historic knife used by the Royal Chef in serving the King in an earlier era has been returned to Korea and to determine the rightful owner of the knife, a cooking competition is established. The two  main contestants are the grandsons of the Royal Chef's two apprentices. The movie outlines the various stages of the competition and is threaded with historic past events and an older tale that explains some of the present elements of the main storyline. After watching the movie, I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was fresh and beautifully told, both in terms of the visual representation and the story. I loved the culinary aspect and the dishes that were conjured up were colorful and artfully displayed masterpieces that made my mouth water and left me in awe of the creativity and talent of humankind.

The main protagonist (Sung Chan) was a clean cut and handsome young man, modest and earnest with a true talent for the culinary arts. Whether in the open courtyard of the royal palace chopping vegetables or whipping up pheasant-filled yellow and green dumplings, he cooks with a quiet confidence and inner knowledge. Everything he made looked delicious and I wished I could be there to taste it myself. There is a quote at the beginning of the movie, "A taste that shakes you to the core. You experience it not with your tongue, but your heart" which makes me realize that I've yet to try a dish so crafted with skill and flavor that I'm shaken to taste its presence on the tip of my tongue. If I do get to Korea sometime soon, I hope to come across this soul-shattering dish.

There were certain elements to the plot that were unoriginal and typical of a Korean generated movie, such as the hidden plotting to sabotage Sung Chan, the extravagance of carrying out the competition, utilizing traditional dances, music, and fanfare, and the dramatic climax of the final round, not to mention the exaggerated anger portrayed by the antagonist whenever he lost a round. I know that right now movies and dramas and reality tv shows all around the world are awash with culinary themes and cooking competitions as well, so this one can be seen as another one of the same ilk. As it is the first movie of this nature that I have seen thus far however (Ratatouille doesn't count!), I found it fresh and engaging. The main character plays his role well and gives off an air of steady determination to prove he is the best (there's this scene in the beginning where he says "I'll show you who I am. I'll prove that I'm the best" and it was so hot when he said it). One of the most attractive qualities about him is that he has this confidence and all-encompassing knowledge that he is correct in all he does, not because of conceit but because he's very careful and doesn't mess up. Another is his easy going nature, such that regardless of what happens, he laughs it off with simple ease, unless it's that jerk Chef Oh stirring up trouble. Then, he stands his ground and states what needs to be said.

It's getting late, so I'm gonna cut this review short. I really enjoyed this movie because it was different from many others I've seen of late and everything was beautiful - character, story, theme, music, and food cinematography. Oh, interesting thing was that it was based on a novel/comic book in Korea, so sometimes the screen was split and various scenes portrayed in a typical comic book layout. Glad I chose this one to watch - it was this or Death Note, but I decided I wanted something lighter than all that dark, biting edge drama and suspense. Looking for the OST for Le Grand Chef!!

Today at dinner there was white rice again...two days in a row, amazing! I had some with a bit of ham and boiled spinach, so yummy! It made me realize how much I missed the simple pleasure of eating rice; I used to take it for granted when I was living at home, but when I am at school and there is no rice around...I'm so deprived! Haha. There was also a chili cookoff going on, I tried 2/5 of the dishes and both were good. I didn't even think chili could be made in other ways! One was turkey chili while the other was green chicken chili. This second one was lighter and more sour and reminded me of Indian curry - really delish! 

What's the update? Nothing new; I went to work and read chapter 6 for nutrition, which was all about proteins. There was a section that talked about protein deficiency and the causes, and there was an example of PEM (protein-energy malnutrition). One form caused swelling of the abdomen while the other caused wasting away of the muscles. Looking at the photos was heartbreaking - one was a tiny Asian boy with "matchstick" arms while the other was a little African girl with a swollen belly. It made me feel guilty and ungrateful for my living situation and the abundence of food that surrounds me. It motivates me further to get out to those parts of the world so that I can educate myself more about the rest of my fellow human beings and the kinds of living situations they're in. 

I'm leaning towards Korea once more; everytime I plug in my Ipod and listen to my favorite korean songs, I am reminded of my love for the language and my desire to experience the culture. I want to take a city bus in Seoul to a simple destination. I want to walk the city streets at night and stop along a noodle shop for a bite of food to eat. I want to taste the flavors of spicy kimchi and sweet potatoes in my mouth. Mostly, I want to feel what it is like to be surrounded by people who look like me, to be a part of their world which they take for granted and don't even realize how special it is to be able to relate to everyone who passes by, with the simple fact that they are all one type of people - ASIAN. I want to know what it feels like, to fit in.

 Time for nutrition lecture! Ciao~